My friends, they love my intelligence
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
