I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
