I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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