Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
