where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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