Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
