Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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