You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I need a beard to bite.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize