you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
