is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Thank you for not boning my boss.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
