He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
