I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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