no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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