ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
