Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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