70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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