Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
