im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
