I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
