I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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