we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
She has the best kind of daddy issues
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
