Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
