Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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