The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
