this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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