how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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