he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
