You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
