kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
