My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
