some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
