I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
