god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Randomize
