We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
