Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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