wakey wakey hands off snakey
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
