What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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