Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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