im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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