i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
