dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
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