just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
