Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
