Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
