i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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