$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
