it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
