Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
True strength comes from lack of pants
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
