If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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