I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
