I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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