you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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