So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
