Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
