I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
