ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
