I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
