he shaved USA in his pubs
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
