my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
We left an ass print on the piano.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
