I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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