Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
