He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
