last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Randomize
