I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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