I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
