seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
