Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
