finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
