He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
